How to get a sugar momma
10 red flags to watch out for when dating a sugar momma
By Demetria Lewis
Published: 17 Feb 2025
birthday dinner with friends chatting | Image: Supplied
1. Sudden Lavishness with No Clear Source of Income
This is HUGE. If your new 'sugar momma' suddenly showers you with gifts and expensive experiences without a clear explanation of her wealth, that's a major warning sign. Where is the money coming from? Are there strings attached? This isn't about being judgmental; it's about being smart and responsible. Always ensure you are not becoming entangled in something illegal or unethical.
woman giving expensive gifts | Image: Supplied
2. Controlling Behavior or Excessive Demands
Sugar momma relationships often come with unspoken expectations, but the line between a mutually beneficial arrangement and outright control can be dangerously blurred. A healthy relationship involves give and take, not demands. A woman who tries to dictate your every move or micromanage your social life might be more interested in dominance and control than genuine connection. Trust your gut on this one. If something feels wrong, it probably is.
controlling woman demanding things | Image: Supplied
3. Isolation from Friends and Family
Has your newfound sugar momma suddenly started isolating you from your loved ones? Are you losing touch with friends, neglecting family, because of the demands of this relationship? That's a classic manipulation tactic. Healthy relationships encourage and support healthy bonds with our support system. If this relationship is causing you to neglect those bonds, ask yourself why.
isolated person alone in a room | Image: Supplied
4. Lack of Transparency and Secrecy
Secrecy is a huge red flag in any relationship, but especially in these more nuanced dynamics. If your sugar momma is constantly evasive about her personal life, her finances, or her past, it's worth questioning. Transparency is essential to building trust – which isn't always abundant in these sorts of situations. You deserve to know who you're spending your time with.
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5. Unrealistic Expectations and Promises
Does she promise you the moon and stars? Does she make lavish promises that seem too good to be true? Be realistic. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement, but ensure that these 'promises' align with reality. If it feels too good to be true, it often is. Always keep a level head and make sure you're not being used.
woman making extravagant promises | Image: Supplied
6. Financial Instability Despite the Lavish Spending
This is a bit of a paradox, but possible. Your sugar momma may be spending lavishly, yet secretly struggling financially. This often leads to unpredictable and intense financial issues that you might be dragged into. This instability, hidden beneath a veneer of wealth, can quickly cause problems. Look beyond the superficial and check if there's underlying instability.
woman struggling with bills | Image: Supplied
7. Pressuring You Into Illegal or Unethical Activities
This is a serious red flag. Some 'sugar momma' relationships can subtly (or not so subtly) involve illegal activities. If you're ever asked to do something that makes you uncomfortable or feels wrong, get out of it. Your safety and well-being should always come first.
person being pressured into a deal | Image: Supplied
8. Disrespectful or Demeaning Treatment
In any relationship, respect is key. If your sugar momma treats you poorly, belittles you, or makes you feel less than, that's a major problem. Remember your worth. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in any relationship, no matter the financial dynamics.
woman being disrespecful | Image: Supplied
9. Rapid Progression of the Relationship
Moving too fast can be a red flag in many situations. Genuine relationships take time to develop. If things are moving too fast, it might be because your sugar momma is trying to rush you into a situation before you've had a chance to fully assess the dynamics. Don't rush into anything you're not comfortable with.
couple moving very fast | Image: Supplied
10. Gut Feeling That Something's Off
Ultimately, trust your intuition. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Don't ignore your gut feeling. Your inner voice is often right. Pay attention to those warning signals. They're there to protect you. If you're constantly questioning the relationship or feeling uneasy, that's your gut telling you something is amiss.
person with a gut feeling | Image: Supplied
